Our Framework
Helping widows live, one moment at a time.
We at the Paisley Project understand how life-altering the loss of a spouse can be. Everything that was once familiar and known and expected is suddenly, drastically, tragically different.
But we believe that there is hope, not only to survive devastating loss, but to thrive and move toward new purpose and meaning. At Paisley Project, we use a framework called L.I.V.E.
Early in our history, we recognized that grief is not linear. There are no definitive “stages” and no accurate timelines. As writer Amy Boardman Rejme wrote, “deep, profound grief is just weird. So, keep that in mind when you wonder why grieving people do (or don’t do) what you think they should do, or what seems normal. Grief is really weird.”
Despite this, we have identified “categories” of the grieving process, which are roughly described as L.I.V.E.
L
The “L” stands for LOSS, and represents the many different parts of moving through the initial loss. Loss of a spouse, a partner, a co-parent, a life-style, as well as an image of one’s life.
I
The “I” stands for IDENTITY. One of the primary losses in widowhood is the loss of who you were and what your life was supposed to look like.
V
The “V” stands for VISION and represents the silver lining of loss. You have an opportunity to reimagine your life from the ground up. What would you like to see in your future?
E
The “E” stands for ENGAGEMENT. With time and healing, many widows feel drawn to re-engage in the world, shifting from surviving the loss to using their gifts and experiences to thrive in a new normal.
OUR TOOLS
In order to identify more specific losses, resources and opportunities within the Paisley Project, we use the concept of Story Threads™.
This concept was developed by Barbara Allen Burke as part of her writing and art workshops, and we have adapted it to focus specifically on the widow experience.
Our lives are a compilation of experiences in different areas, or threads, that weave their way in and out of our lives, and tell our story. At Paisley Project, we call these areas Story Threads™.
Those Threads are: The Mind and Spirit, The Body, The Space, The People, The Work, and The Play, and The Not.
The Mind/Spirit
This Story Thread represents the core of your belief system—your spirituality, faith, or personal philosophy. It speaks to your spiritual experiences throughout your life, and how your thinking has developed.
-
This Story Thread also represents your psychological make-up. What are the values, ideas, beliefs that make you who you are? This could be your personal identity, your religious or spiritual experiences, your intellectual journeys, or what you’ve believed about how the world works.
How has becoming a widow affected this area for you?
-
Sense of identity
Roles you’ve had
Sense of safety
Your idea of what your future would be
Your faith in God or goodness of the world
Trust in medical profession or legal system or other institutions
Your cognitive abilities “Widow brain”
Loss of access to language
Difficulty concentrating
Executive function which has often been shared with a partner that you are now having to shoulder by yourself.
Sense of financial security
Lack of motivation
-
-
Can develop a new identity for who you want to be. Gives you an opportunity to create a new vision for your life.
“Resetting the deck,” while difficult, can open up new avenues for exploration or change. Can be exciting or enjoyable.
The Body
This Story Thread relates to how has your physical body changed or developed across your lifespan? It would include any specific events or milestones that relate to your physical self.
-
Specific milestones related to this Story Thread could include sports you’ve taken up or had to drop, surgeries or illnesses, strength built at different times, issues relating to diet or food, sexual experiences, or physical feats you’ve undertaken.
How has becoming a widow affected this area for you?
-
Difficulty breathing
Changes to gut biome
Lack of sleep/trouble sleeping
Chest and shoulder pain
Difficulty eating or controlling eating
Reduction of immune system
Increase in anxiety and depression
-
Nutrition Information (Coming soon on the Blog)
Movement plans (Coming soon on the Blog)
Easy, healthy recipes with shopping lists, with links to Instacart (Coming soon on the Blog)
Trauma-based yoga sessions (Coming soon in Events)
Therapy dough (Coming soon in The Shop)
Beeswax aromatherapy candle (Coming soon in The Shop)
-
Refocusing on your own health and wellness
May learn new tools to physically become healthier and stronger
The Places
This Story Thread represents the places and environments that you have spent time in, or felt connected to. It also reflects on items or objects that have had significance to you.
-
This Story Thread reflects the spaces where you have spent time. It includes everything from the environments you’ve experienced—cities, mountains, beaches—to the places you’ve called home.
Have you moved from place to place, or have you been planted like a tree and grown deep roots? Also included are any other “spaces” that were significant: vacation spots, swimming pools, cabins, particular places in nature that stood out to you.
This area could also include significant objects that you spent time with. A toy? A prized possession? A piece of artwork or a book?
How has becoming a widow affected this area for you?
-
May need to relocate
Or, the place you do live has lots of triggers for loss
Or, you don’t what your “style” is apart from your husband
Can feel overwhelmed by your house
Now have to take on tasks that husband may have done but have to do them yourself now.
Feel overwhelmed by sole responsibility for home and yard.
Vacations no longer sound like fun or are not available to you anymore.
-
Professional coaching around space, to help recreate a home for yourself. Get connected here.
Household Help Network (Coming Soon)
-
Could create new spaces that seem nurturing, creative and representative of who you are.
An opportunity to explore new types of travel or vacations.
The People
This Story Thread is centered around the people and connections in your life. The relationships you have and have had, are often a central part of your life and play a role in your story.
-
You have likely had connections to parents, children, family members, romantic partners, co-workers, teachers, authority figures, and peers.
This area includes all the people with whom you have spent time, including pets. Who are the important people and relationships in your life?
How has becoming a widow changed your relationships with people?
-
Widows may lose up to 75% or her social network after loss.
Close friends can get caretaker burnout and disappear.
Women often lose all or most of their male friends.
Couples often feel awkward about inviting singles and stop calling.
Your kids can be grieving and need more parenting at a time when you don’t feel capable. Often feel like a failure as a parent.
Relationships with inlaws and parents can change.
Other people feel newly empowered to learn about your financial situation and other personal/private matters.
Dating is now an option which you thought was over forever.
-
-
Can develop new friendships and connections through the Paisley Project and other new resources
Can identify and communicate with your Lane 1 people. This creates a sense of security.
The Work
Work is applied effort across your lifespan, and includes school, jobs, and volunteer activities. Work can be paid or unpaid, and can be time-limited or expand across decades.
-
How has becoming a widow affected your ideas around Work?
-
Difficulty doing work after loss (although it could be a safe space)
Need to start working or need to change jobs for income.
Loss of a co-parent adds to workload
Additional household responsibilities add up
Additional childcare need.
Financial challenges
-
Paisley Project coaching
Connection with other Paisley Project members
Resources on website
“Start Your Own Business” workshop
-
Could explore and embark on new career opportunities you never considered.
Could start a new business.
Could stop a business or work that was no longer meaningful.
The Play
Play is an activity undertaken just for the joy of it, rather than for a specific outcome. The nature of play looks and feels different for everyone, and can even be difficult to identify.
-
For some people, this is sport or a game. Others are interested in hobbies like reading, music, crafts, chess and computer games. How do you engage your mind or body in order to restore yourself?
How has becoming a widow affected this area for you?
-
Old pastimes can be triggering
Family/couple activities that were embedded in your life are either now unavailable or feel triggering (camping trips, sports, travel.)
Future plans for travel or play now feel wrong to do without the partner.
-
Discovering new ways to play through Paisley Project Events
Connection with new people through Paisley Project Events, or by joining our community here.
-
Try new hobbies
Explore and travel to new places you wouldn’t go alone
Paisley Project community also gives you new people to do things with.
The Not
Although most people describe their experiences in terms of what they have done, we are also affected by what we have not done, or by things we have done which we now regret.
The “Not” may exist within any other Story Thread.
-
These areas of “could have been” or “wish I hadn’t” can affect us. What areas of absence do you wish you have filled: a lost relationship, a trip not taken, a challenge unexplored.
Widows are often faced with losses in many areas, but especially a sense of losing what they might have had.
Is this true for you?
-
This is what The Not means: what are things you haven’t done that you wish you’d done or things you did you now regret?
-
Connection with the Paisley Project community. Join right here.
Paisley Project coaching. To get involved, get in touch.
-
You may find inspiration to do things that you would otherwise not have had the opportunity or the right circumstances to do
Meet Other Widows
We have a private group feed for widows only. It’s a judgment-free safe space to connect, vent, or celebrate your experiences. To join, visit our contact page via the button below so we can get you connected.
Make A Donation.
Our mission is to provide essential tools and resources to support women to survive, heal, grow, and thrive after the loss of their husbands, while also mobilizing the widow’s own support network.
Paisley Project is a registered 501(c)3 non-profit organization in the state of Colorado.
All donations are tax-deductible.
EIN #47-1052225