Practical, straightforward guidelines for taking care of yourself & the widow in your life.

This practical, compassionate guide is designed for friends, family members, and supporters who want to help a widow in the immediate aftermath of loss.

The “Break Glass Now” document offers step-by-step guidance for what to do in the first 30 days—from funeral arrangements and paperwork to emotional support and everyday logistics. Created by the Paisley Project, it’s meant to reduce overwhelm during a time when clear thinking can feel impossible. If you’ve been asking, “How can I help?”—this is where to start.

To support a new widow:
BREAK GLASS NOW

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To support any widow:
WHAT WIDOWS WANT GUIDE

Supporting a widow well starts with knowing how to show up—and this guide helps you do just that.

What Widows Want offers practical, thoughtful ways to help, divided into two types of supporters: Do-ers, who offer tangible help like errands, appointments, and meals, and Be-ers, who provide emotional presence and patient companionship.

Whether you’re near or far, this guide is filled with real, specific ideas to meet widows where they are—without overwhelming them or yourself. If you’ve ever wondered what to say or do, this is a good place to start.

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“When we hold space for someone, we offer to be a container for the overwhelming feelings they may be encountering. But there is a discomfort that surrounds grief. It makes even the most well-intentioned people unsure of what to say. And so many of the freshly bereaved end up feeling even more alone.”

— Meghan O’Rourke

Quick Tips for Helping

Do you find yourself exhausted, frustrated, overwhelmed or at a loss for how to help your widow friend?

Are you also grieving the death in addition to supporting the widow?

These are all normal reactions, and we encourage you not to feel bad or guilty. You are allowed to feel the grief yourself, and to also manage your own life.

However, there are some practical, straightforward guidelines for taking care of both yourself and your widowed friend or family member. Here we offer some links and resources to help you get started. Browse through our blog posts specifically for helpers.

Sometimes the hardest part is taking the first step. Let her know she doesn’t have to do this alone—when she reaches out, she’ll receive a compassionate phone call and a personal invitation to connect with the Paisley Project community. It’s a gentle way to begin finding support that truly understands.

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The more you understand the journey of grief, the more empathetic and present you can be. Our blog offers insights into what this experience may feel like for your loved one—giving you a deeper window into her world and the emotional terrain she’s navigating.

Read the Blog

In this short, powerful video, Dr. Brené Brown explains the difference between sympathy and true empathy—reminding us that connection begins with vulnerability. It’s a beautiful and moving reminder of how to support someone in pain by simply being with them in it.

Learn About Empathy

This heartfelt memoir, Lovely Tragic Miracle by Karyl McKendry, our founder, shares the story of our founder’s own grief after the death of her husband, and the kinds of support that made a lasting impact. Reading her journey can help you understand the raw, real experience of widowhood—and how you, too, can be part of someone’s healing.

Find Inspiration

Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. Sending a card at three, six, or nine months—or on meaningful dates like birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays—can offer profound comfort. We recommend the thoughtful and empathetic collection from Em & Friends, which often captures what words alone cannot.

Be Consistent

Get Her Involved

Healing happens in community, and our events are designed to meet widows where they are—offering connection, validation, and a way forward. Encourage her gently, and remind her that these gatherings are led by people who truly understand.